It’s my day to go retro—I moved six years ago. Podcasts did exist, but they were not so common. I was not a YouTuber until then.
Here’s a conversation between “Empowered Women” on social media interactions.
The discussion started with a post in a women’s group and ballooned into a meaningful dialogue, highlighting different perspectives. I felt compelled to share this on a wider platform to invite further views.
The participants in the discussion are from diverse backgrounds:
Garima Srivastava, a lawyer/entrepreneur/astrologer
Prachika Saxena, Human Resources Leader
Mani Kant, Professor of English
Reena Saxena, Financial Coach
Reena
Is Maa Durga (a Hindu Goddess) a manifestation of this mindset? History shows that feminine power was strengthened when revenge was called for after a bout of repression. We need to glorify proactivity instead of reactivity.
Garima
Oppression triggers reactivity. Mythologically, Maa Durga was an oppressed householder before she said, ‘Enough’. Proactivity may not necessarily be triggered by oppression. It calls for awareness, foresight, and resistance on a routine basis as opposed to reactivity.
The most powerful Gods and Goddesses are essentially destroyers, whether Durga, Kali, Shiva, or Krishna, unlike Laxmi, Saraswati, Vishnu, or Brahma, who are worshipped as Creators or Preservers. They don’t negotiate with oppressors.
Feminine energy is almost always equated with patience, endurance, sacrifice, the nurture principle, compassion, and the ability to put up with glorified nonsense. Women’s sexuality is stripped off by symbolically worshipping her as ‘Maa’ (Mother) and its variants. Any deviation from this archetype projects her in a bad light.
No wonder men get confused when they come across girls who don’t fit traditional stereotypes. If a father has an extramarital affair, he faces resentment, but the mother has to face shame, as well.
Reena
I agree that men today are confused. They cannot decide whether to play the Protector, Provider, Master, or Partner and are compelled to switch roles.
Women who have grown under a benevolent male mentor are lauded as achievers. A woman who fights to the top is labelled aggressive and hits the glass ceiling.
The world will not change a mindset that suits them unless they are compelled to. Quiet achievement is one way of doing it, other than the retaliatory ‘Durga’ energy that the system induces. It takes much longer, and most of us give up somewhere on the way. There are safer havens available with financial security. And this reinforces the image of women not treating a career as a lifelong mission. They were not allowed to do so without a mentor. And to have a godfather, one needs to accept someone as God, which is not an easy proposition.
It is all a complex web to be dealt with from multiple angles.
Garima
Your analysis has hit the nail on the head. Have no idea of other professions, but in my profession, women are kicking ass, despite the persistent threat of sexual harassment, prejudice in judicial appointments and disparity in pay. Sadly, very few women lawyers support fellow women lawyers in terms of mentoring and motivation. That leaves me with this lesson — DIY. The only encouragement I have ever received is from a few male judges. I guess they are wired or brought up to be protective in a predominantly hostile environment for women. Would I want to let go of their support? No. Let more women enter the workforce, and I am sure the scenario will change. 99% will bullshit, talk us down, and seek to invalidate our achievements, but the 1% who stand by us will matter at the end of the day.
A long time ago, my mother told me, “I don’t think you have it in you (to become a lawyer)”. A female lawyer I assisted a few years ago agreed. They are not recognized lawyers anyway, so these disparaging comments did not discourage me, and a few words of encouragement from eminent people sufficed to neutralize the humiliation. Will the increase of women in the workforce, create a better work environment for women? I don’t think so.
Prachika
Women who have made it big have, at some point, challenged the traditional societal setup. A good mentor and a supportive team are, more often than not, a short-lived affair. Women need to have the grit to move forward. The only solution is to induct more and more women into boards. It will help women get rid of sexist jokes and undermining calibre and help them earn due respect. A man earns plaudits with powerful words, but a woman needs to go through the execution of the task, maybe multiple times, to be branded an asset. Often, women are given tasks much lower than their potential. In my view, women are comparatively more balanced and professional, natural multitaskers who simultaneously use their heads and hearts. Women are more far-sighted and weigh the stakes before committing. Men often take this as a battle of brain or balls.
Hiring an executive assistant is often limited to a beauty of lesser sex, who will meekly give in to odd requests and trivial jobs. A man might resist. Suppression will backfire into oppression, with more like-minded women following suit. Movies like ‘Parched’ bear testimony to such theories.
Reena
Prachika, I respectfully disagree with the ‘more women in the workforce’ theory unless they support each other. Women are serious about their loyalty to a boss or mentor, and this trait is exploited to serve vested interests. Male bonding is driven by common business interests and leveraged for mutual benefit. Men decide how to conduct the meeting before reaching the boardroom, maybe over a drink the previous evening. Women take pride in coming and leaving on time and miss out on the decision-making process. An erroneous sense of righteousness can drive women to do their jobs well, not realizing they have become puppets.
Feminine power is achieved through subtle manipulation—charm, dedication, loyalty, boss management… rather than taking something head-on. The former is seen as Power and aggression. It is almost as if men enjoy being manipulated. A woman’s power is a ‘gift’ from them, not a matter of right.
Garima
I don’t think ‘aggression’ has a pejorative connotation. The more women bother about these labels, the more they will suffer these operative prejudices; if a man’s aggression is justified, so is a woman’s.
Men always snatch credit for a woman's success, and women are often heard saying, “I couldn’t have done this without the support of my hubby.” If a woman declares that she made it on her own, she is labelled arrogant. Across the board, the attempt is to deprive women of their agency, whether by attributing their success to manipulation or the necessary male support in their achievements.
Mani
I agree with you to disagree. Every woman is a subdued “DURGA” but is unaware of the latent force. IMO, elements of envy, resentment, and rivalry do exist among women in varying degrees. It is the woman who suppresses, harasses, and ill-treats those of her own ilk. The support comes from a male, compassionate benefactor.
Rebellion always arises from oppression. A woman who is mocked at, ill-treated, and insulted becomes aware of her latent energy, resistance, and power and asserts her human rights. Durga is activated after undergoing this process. Humiliation propels her on the path to Success. Only those women who challenge traditions and defy social norms are ACHIEVERS. She builds a career and furthers the cause by helping her family and society.
Yet I would say that they do need a Male Mentor—a father, friend, husband, or any such associate. Take my example—a malevolent MIL derided my meagre household management skills and held the view that academics would not help me in life. My husband's encouragement and support have made me what I am today.
I'm afraid I, therefore, have to disagree with a few of us. A woman in our Society cannot achieve anything alone. She needs male support — as women don’t help. There is no competition with a man, as we complete each other.
Reena
This takes the conversation back to the starting point. Women have had to battle it out at work and home, which constitutes Reactivity. This could be the undeniable truth for many of the female population. Identifying our reality and charting the path forward is our own. At the same time, supporting those who can benefit from our help is a responsibility we cannot forget. The good guys have been shaped by the women in their lives. As they say, the finest men in the world are always married. They have experienced the female point of view.
Proactivity stems from the courage to say no to inconvenient arrangements. It is not about choosing between a career and home, intellectual tasks and drudgery, or aggressive or passive roles. It is choosing ‘I want’ over ‘I should’. It is just about doing what I believe in, which is more of individualism than feminism.
The least that an emancipated woman can do is generate further discussion and enlighten others. That was the effort behind this piece.
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